“If you ever feel like you’re the only one who doesn’t’ have it all figured out, listen close: Life is not tidy. Growth is not linear. We are all wanderers. We are still learning. “ – Erica Layne, The Life on Purpose Movement

Oh, boy. This one hits me squarely in the heart.

If I peel back the curtain, this is a feeling I have almost daily….especially in the past couple of years.
Feeling like you don’t have it “all figured out” is certainly not a new concept, but the older I get, I wonder why adults spend so much of their time attempting to tuck it away and hide the fact that life is about growth, embracing sporadic feelings of discomfort, and trying to outwardly show an “all good” highlight reel.

Kids continually amaze me with their open-heartedness, pockets full of treasures, and ability to recognize beauty in things that have long since had polish. Their bright eyes, unconditional curiosity, and “try and try again” approach to mastering something new is something we should all be racing toward the wisdom in….not to mention, put action behind once we get there. Out of all the things in life I still question, when I grow up, I don’t want to be a grown-up…and that is definitely something I know for sure.

I have a creative brain, so being called “tidy” isn’t something I’ve ever been described as being. In fact, I’ve gone to great lengths, at times, to tuck the messier parts of my creativity away….often embarrassed at the less desirable qualities that come with not being “linear.” It’s a shame to think that many of us master the art of appearing to have it all figured out, when the parts we hide away tend to be things those around us could benefit the most from! Oof. Scary to think about unearthing those things, but something I’m daring myself to embrace….even if it means standing on shaky legs while trying.

Does it mean caring less, or that I want to set fire to a dumpster in my front yard?

Certainly not.

Airing all the untidiness to any ear that will listen long enough to hear it?

No. I crave people/things that feel restorative.

Does it have more to do with drawing a curve and ditching the ruler on occasion?

Uh, huh. I think so.

Or, how about getting quiet enough to allow old thinking to unravel a bit, and loosening the grip on things we’ve held so tightly we’ve forgotten a closed fist can’t give…or receive?

Yes. With a capital Y.

I know I’m not alone in feeling like many of us are acutely aware we are in danger of missing the “good stuff,” in tandem with being desperately afraid to crack open that door. The knob is within reach, but the arm is not yet outstretched….but why?

So, this morning as I ignore piles of laundry and quietly sip my coffee, instead of asking “how are you,” I’m asking instead, “Where are you?” Where did YOU go before the world told you what you were to become? What would happen if you offer up a little “curve” instead of a line, or pull a treasure from your pocket and remember why it was important to keep it in the first place?
My friend, if you’re still reading, let’s raise our mugs to dusting things off a bit – allowing the cracks to be the parts we celebrate, casting off the thing(s) *we think* broke us in the first place, and to NOT figuring it all out.

I’m becoming more and more ok with “un-tidy,” and so now I want to ask…will you wander a bit with me?

If you’re interested in some good reading that I’ve found helpful in my journey, check out books I love in my Amazon storefront here.